The Nigerian Culture vs Relationships

As usual I only really write about the things I'm passionate about, that's why I'm surprised that this blog isn't partly for movie reviews but maybe someday when I really do have time to focus on my hobbies and someday when the articles on this blog are not typed while I'm sitting on the toilet seat in my home.


What I have been talking and thinking about a lot these past few weeks leading into months are relationships specifically the ones between a man and a woman the kind that leads to love and marriage or hate and heartbreak.
That kind of relationship against the backdrop of our culture. That is; what is expected and what is received versus what the use and need of relationships are.

In the twenty something years of our lives, we come to realize that there is spiraling and inconsistency between the information we get served about what is ideal and what isn't, What is right and what isn't, Who is who and who isn't, and sadly what one's roles are and what one's roles aren't.

I loved reading Chimamanda Adiche's Ted talk on why we should all be feminist and I have referred to its major context in a lot of my conversations and some of my previous opinions but there is a minor subtext I picked up on roles. About how all girls don't have to love to cook the same way all men don't have to be athletic or handy as expected of them.

The marriage culture almost worldwide have these standards on roles that I do sometimes question.
Even worse is the African cultures and Nigerian cultures specially.
I have started to question our cultures on their ideals about roles in relationships.

And of recent, I have started to look at them as the real problem for a lot of breakups and failures in relationships and marriages.

The unattainable ideals and standards set make people with peculiar situations feel like they are failing or doing it all wrong or make them feel too good for the next person.

I was having a conversion about ome artistes who are siblings recently and someone talked about how one of them feels like he does more work, and yes I do agree there are a lot of partnerships and relationships that there is one person who is constantly trying and doing more. And because I have been there I know it may be frustrating.

However in some other helpless cases like the ones of these siblings, it's a different situation because it is a productive relationship.

And who says that they can't set their own ideals and culture on how their own relationship should and would work.
Who says that it can't be the other way round.
Who says that a man can't cook while the woman does the handy work?

Well our culture says that.
And with the level of incompetence in our society, the level or poverty and unproductivity. It maybe the right time to start setting our own personal standards in relationships and letting the accepted culture have a sit outside your own ideals.

This is the right time to not ask for anyone's opinion about how it's meant to work but sit in the corner of your world and take charge of your life and your relationship.
While setting your own standards on what size of wedding you want and how you want it. What your expectations are and why and most importantly what you are in those relationships for.

Thats the question I have chosen to ask myself more these days; why i'm i here, why i'm i with this person, what do i want from it, i'm i getting it, i'm i happy and i'm i being realistic?

If the accepted culture isn't growing the society or helping relationships,
why not start to design our own personal cultures?

what do you think? and what is your least favourite relationship culture?

Credit: Photography: Holly Falconer|Stylist: John William|Set Design: Eoin Dillon|Photography Assistant: Alex Craddock|Models: Harry @ M and P, Sienna @ FM Model Agency