INSECURITY X IN SECURITY>>>CHOOSE 1

When it comes to insecurities, I have often wondered who is to blame for not feeling absolutely secure about ourselves, even the people that look like they don’t have insecurities, carry a trailer load about.

Having managed to learn to rise above my insecurities, sometimes it still creeps in on me telling me why I shouldn’t start a VLOG because maybe I don’t speak good enough English which I actually do.

I had always thought of myself as imperfect, I was always boyish, skinny and bony.

My voice always shock as early as my primary school days,

I was always more vocal than my friends and it brought along some controversies and drama and at some point I started to feel like a dead fish in a sea full of fresh fishes.

I can't remember ever being optimistic; my pessimistic side has always been right around the corner, constantly anticipating negativity;

Believing that friends will forget me, lovers will abandon me and my family will never understand me.

 

Physically, at some point it was my head that was too big, my forehead too obvious, my mouth too big and my smile too wide the pictures i took were constant reminders of all these!

My flat self, no breastsses! No ass! No hip! No waist! Little miss unattractive!

My big feet which even till now I sometimes feel insecure about.

I saw nothing in myself that could give me the boost I needed to survive in this superficial world,

Even aunties constantly reminded me how beautiful I was as a baby and how now I'm not 'more fine'

All those negativities the world screams in your ears,

All those lies that amount to nothing but tears,

All those constant voices that made me feel like I wasn't worth anything, which made me feel like I would amount to nothing!

All those insecure moments; staying silent in a corner; saying to myself! “Don’t say what you feel! You don’t want to be perceived as wrong or dumb or rude”.

How does one control the voices in one’s head or the voices from others mouth?

I can’t remember how i got favoured and blessed with the rare power to rise above my insecurities.

I wonder if it was watching shows like RUBY or biggest Loser and seeing people with weight issues trying to loose and gain weight that made me rethink my thoughts about my size.

My shaky voice became nothing compared to being unable to talk,

I realized that even though being vocal comes with disadvantages like people assuming you were the one who could have said it, it also came with people relaying on you for the rare trait of being straight-forward with them.

And Yes! Being optimistic is a good trait and being a pessimist a not-so-good one but being a realist and an opportunist is also equally important and I learnt to be all that and more in different situations.

I also learnt that friends come and go, lovers may leave but love will never cease, and family those people won’t stop being there or loving you no matter how complicated you are.

My forehead gradually became my size,

My mouth became referred to as hot or is it sexy

And nowadays I don’t love a picture if I’m not smiling.

Progressively little miss unattractive became Miss Mako!

I obviously haven’t referred to myself as flat since 2004.

My big feet keeps finding a home in beautiful big shoes and now feels pretty.

And with each passing day all I see are reason to count my blessings.

I’m definitely not as fine as I was as a baby, now I am a very beautiful lady.

Realize this, people may tell you great things about yourself but if you don’t believe it then it doesn’t matter.

Insecurities live in each and every one of us but we have an option to keep it standing around the corner opposite our house or inviting it in and giving it a room, I choose to see beauty in my ashes, I choose to be SECURED. I choose to rise above doubts and pessimism.

I choose to be FLAWLESS.

After all, God saw all that he had made, and behold, it was very good. (Gen 1:31a)